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August 08 2017

adhdbreadbin:

How To Validate A Child’s Work Without Swearing and Saying “Lil Dude That’s Fuckin Sick”

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tillytroylertylertroye:

popularhistorian:

katherinearandez:

special-snowflake-hall-of-fame:

abhortion:

atheistrose:

domesticabusewillsaveusall:

So awkward.

I walked past a cemetery when I was walking home and like… I’m alive so… yea.

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I walked past a nursing home and like….I’m not old so….yea

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I walked past a river and like….I’m not a fish so….yea

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I walked past a car dealership and like….I’m not an automobile so….yea

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I was walking over the sewer the whole time and like….I’m not a piece of shit….yea

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I walked past an atheist and like…I’m a church so… yea

wait what

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treesided-triangle:

Alex Hirsch is a treasure 

breelandwalker:

captoring:

punkfaery:

punkfaery:

casual reminder that i wrote an 90-page novel when i was eight about a deranged pensioner who wants to take over the world and return everything to “The Good Old Days”, and which included such choice elements as

  • a really neurotic vegetarian vampire 
  • alice cooper, for no apparent reason
  • an evil supermodel called miranda goth 
  • three nine-year-olds climbing mount everest in diving helmets 
  • the entire population of scotland appearing out of literally nowhere to help defeat the antagonists 
  • “you can take our lives but you cannot take our trousers" 

imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage

a few people have been asking me to post extracts from this so uh

here’s something

in 20 years i’ll be telling people how i first heard of the best novel ever written when it was a 500 notes post on tumblr

Annnnnd where’s the link for the place where we can purchase a copy of this goddamn MASTERPIECE?!?!

saintalia:

saintalia:

oh no, i don’t condone abusive relationships! i just write, reblog, and create art, fanfic, meta, gifsets, and other content that portrays an abusive relationship as sexy, attractive, ideal, and the only true choice for each character. most of the time i put them in happy aus or situations despite claiming that i only ship them because of the angst! that’s not condoning abuse, you silly antis!

this is giving me angry abuse apologist anons in my inbox please keep reblogging this i live on their tears

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bemusedlybespectacled:

witchedybitchedy:

ruby–wednesday:

thecharge:

ariaste:

margotkim:

This is the greatest progression of events I have ever read, where’s my historical gay romance novel about this

KING JAMES, CAN YOU CHILL?

Local King Cannot Stop Promoting His Boyfriend

where’s the lush period drama about this series of events?

fun thing about king James, this guy was fairly public about his bf (more public than what was acceptable). He threw lots of extravagant parties with his man on his arm. It pissed off the church obviously so to get them off his back, he’s the one that ordered the third translation of the Bible from Hebrew to English (the King James Version aka the Authorized Version) so the Bible every hot blooded all American Christian reads today was literally just written so a very gay king could fuck his boyfriend in peace.

oh my god this is hilarious

image

“guys, guys. I know this looks kinda gay, and i promise i have a good explanation for all this, but have you considered… that jesus… is also gay? checkmate, heteros.”

mszombi:

It bothers me when people say they “hate glitter” because it “gets everywhere” and “lasts forever”. Like, that’s the best part of glitter??? You don’t want to live in a fairyland??? You bitch???

targuzzler:

powerburial:

targuzzler:

snail in a mech suit how bout that shit

a snail is already a slug in a mech suit

oh god

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thebibliosphere:

thecuriousviolet:

breelandwalker:

nineprotons:

“Got the morbs” should be a thing.

Victorian slang is AMAZING, and select phrases really need to make a comeback.

“Bitch the pot” - Pour the tea (HOW RELEVANT IS THIS!?)

“Bang up the elephant” - Absolutely perfect; super stylish

“Well, that’s shot the bale” - Something that has missed the mark entirely

“Church-bell” - A woman prone to gossip

“Chuckaboo” - A dear friend, a bosom chum

“Beer and skittles” - A great time (see also: Irish Gaelic “craic”)

“Butter on bacon” - Something overdone or too extravagant

“Cupid’s kettle drums” - Breasts, particularly large ones

“Gigglemug” - A cheerful smiling face

All of these??? Make me smile??? They’re so weird and wonderful I love them??? Especially bitch the pot because that’s something I could totally hear myself saying…that and chuckaboo

I worked in a Victorian tea house in my youth and I’m telling you, you haven’t lived till you hear a the 98 year old lady (this was some 15 years ago) utter the words “bitch the pot” because it was what they used to say when the tea house first opened and it just sort of stuck through all the generations.

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2mi127:

yes you did!!!!!!

official-data:

marzipanandminutiae:

nemmica:

I met a baby the other day who taught me that kids aren’t learning the thumb-and-pinky-out gesture for “phone” anymore. She puts her flat, open palm up to her ear and babbles into it, simulating a flat and rectangular smartphone.

It’s so interesting that a lot of seemingly obsolete hand motions still exist, though

very few people wear wristwatches, but tapping one’s wrist is still a nearly universal gesture for “what time is it?” or “hurry up”

I used classic corded phones for only a very brief time in my life (before we got those more rectangular-shaped cordless ones for my parents’ landline) and first saw a car without power windows when I was in college, and yet I’ve always used the pinky-and-thumb gesture for “call me” and the circling-fist gesture for “roll down your window.” I’m 24, so my childhood was the late 90s and early 2000s, but I still use gestures that indicate technology either gone or on its way out when I began forming reliable memories

it also makes me wonder how people indicated time or hurrying before wristwatches. did they somehow pantomime a pocket watch? what gestures have we lost as technology marches on? and since video didn’t exist for most of human history, how might we learn what they were? like the contents of the third Georgian spice jar or the location of Punt, nobody would think to write any of it down

I just love history so much

The ASL sign for phone is based on the pinky-and-thumb gesture. Presumably that will continue on for a while, with future generations seeing it as an arbitrary sign.

And then there are words like “rewind” that no longer make literal sense. Filmmakers still use “cut” long after actual physical film that can be cut fell out of use. We talk about cutting and pasting on computers and use a floppy disc icon for “save”.

Fossilized metaphors are the best.

commandercorgi4:

valentinevalen:

Captain Crunch earned his name by giving the worst blowjobs imaginable

katsui:

katsui:

i just started bnha but WHY do people hate mineta? he just a little boy. little grape boy.

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lionmighty:

Velma with the shits.

spitblaze:

when a game makes you fight the same boss three different times

universequartz:

other ppl: hey followers if you ever want to chat or be friends just hmu!

me: h hey followers if you ever want to chat or be friends

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